For a long time I treated a family table like a test I had to pass. These days I'm 16 months into maintenance and I've stopped negotiating.
What works for me is boring: I take a normal first plate, eat it slowly, and when the next offer comes I say something like "that was perfect, I'm done" and then ask the person a question about their own life. Redirecting works better than defending, at least in my family.
The strange part is that the pushback faded once I stopped looking conflicted about it. Last month my aunt set aside a container of roast for me to take home, which felt less like a fight and more like a truce.
Concrete result: I leave those dinners without the stuffed, regretful feeling, and Monday mornings are uneventful, which is exactly what I want from them now.
Has anyone else noticed the pressure drops once you stop explaining yourself?